Don’t Put Your Faith In A Person, Put Your Faith In God
My parents are amazing and have guided me through many ups and downs in my life. I’ve become a very guarded person because of past relationships and encounters among people who claim to be something they are not. My mom often reminds me to be soft and kind.
From the time I was little my parents engrained in me, “Do not put your faith in a person, put your faith in God”. I didn’t fully grasp this until I lost the so- called Godly people I put my faith in.
When I was 16, my eyes were opened to the hypocritical side of religion and the church. After a terrible youth group experience and seeing my fair share of church splits, I began attending Sunday morning services because that is what I had to do. We went to church as a family, but I didn’t really care either way about God and a relationship with Him.
I’ve been living with a semi bad attitude about Christianity. I can’t say that I quit believing in God, but I never fully trusted in God or desired to have a deep meaningful relationship with Him. I was absolutely content living my life on the outskirts of religion and never really talked about having faith.
What Happens When Your Religious Foundation Is Rocked?
5 years ago, some of the people that modeled God for me, turned out to be the exact image of what I believed Christians were when I was 16. Hypocrites, prideful and unloving. My family went through a major split and my parents are the only loving spiritual influences I have left from my childhood.
Why would I want to serve a God that hates? Why would I want to be like those christians who openly admitted gossiping and hurting us on purpose?
I actually DIDN’T want to associate with people like that at all.
My foundation for Christianity was totally rocked because my faith wasn’t in God, it was in people.
It took me a few years to deal with the loss and the hurt of losing people I trusted. I remember telling my husband that I didn’t want to associate with Christians because time and time again, this unkindness is what I think of when people tell me they are Christians. I told him that while I still believed in God, I didn’t think church was for me.
Finding My Own Truth
A few weeks ago at church, our pastor said, “Church isn’t hypocritical, people are hypocritical.”
I honestly just sat there with my mouth open. I know people aren’t perfect and I know that church isn’t perfect. My parents words came flooding back to me, “Don’t put your faith in people”.
Why is it that when we are hurt by Christians or Churches, we begin to question God and our own faith?
If we get offended by the waitress at a restaurant, we don’t quit going to all restaurants and question our love for food.
We have been putting too much pressure on the people in our lives to be perfect.
Unfortunately, people aren’t perfect and people hurt us. We need to stop putting pastors, religious leaders, and our mentors on a spiritual pedestal. No human is worthy of that spot!
Our Spiritual Relationships Can’t Be Dependent On Others
(Repeat the about heading a few times! I really need that to sink in.)
When you are raised in a Christian home, you run the risk of becoming the, “I’m a christian because I was raised that way” type of Christian.
I was angry at church and angry at the people I trusted to teach me about God. Instead of trusting that God had a plan in all of the hurt and pain, I just pushed God to the side and moved on with no real deep faith to cling to.
If I want a relationship with God, I am going to have to have my own relationship with God. This was my 2017 revelation.
I’ve been spending the last year reading, learning, watching and researching what God is really all about. What I believed about God when I was younger, is no longer what I am discovering about God in my own personal life.
The God I choose to follow is kind and loving. The God I am learning to love, doesn’t hold hell over my head and threaten to drop me in if I use inappropriate language (Lord Thank YOU! I love Jesus, but I cuss a little! or a lot.)
Sometimes getting your foundation bulldozed out from under you is the best blessing you can ask for.
If I hadn’t questioned my faith and my understanding of what Christians are really like, I wouldn’t have needed to search for answers. I wouldn’t listen intently when someone is speaking about God and who they believe He is.
Last Sunday, I heard a message that again, spoke directly to my searching mind. My biggest take away from this message was, “Believing in God isn’t the same as Trusting in God.”
What Have I Taken Away From My Year Of Searching?
- God wants us to be happy, love others and live a life that is glorifying to Him.
- We cannot live life doing the same thing over and over again and expect to learn, grow and become a better person.
- If we aren’t learning who God is for ourselves, we are not developing a deep rooted relationship with Him.
- Sitting in church on Sunday isn’t enough for me. I have to take notes, research the stories and examples for myself. Then I have to be intentional about applying what I’ve learned to my own life.
- Having a group of people that you can talk to about real thoughts and opinions is more important than I ever realized. I don’t believe you have to go to church to be a Christian, I do believe you need people that you can learn from and grow with on your journey.
- Don’t put faith in people, put faith in God.
- Quit taking peoples word for things and start deciding what you really believe and why you believe it.
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Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. Luke 6:27
It’s easy to love people who love you, but what happens when someone doesn’t love you? How do we handle a situation when we feel compelled to love someone who doesn’t love us in return?
Over the last few years, I have endured more surprising hate then I could have ever imagined. In all of this, I am reminded of C.S. Lewis’ words from The Four Loves.
It’s easy to love people who love you, but what happens when someone doesn’t love you? How do we handle a situation when we feel compelled to love someone who doesn’t love us in return?
How to love, even when it is hard
Here is what I have been practicing over these last few years of rocky relationships:
Pray for your heart and their heart
Prayer has been so important to me over the last few years. My prayer often says, “open the right doors and shut the wrong doors. Show me how to handle this the way YOU would want me to handle this.” If I don’t see a clear answer, I wait and continue praying before I make any drastic decisions about the relationship.
Learn their side of the story
This is probably the most important tip i’ve learned. Watching my relationships with several people in my life get destroyed over these last few years has been devastating. Almost every single relationship was destroyed because someone chose to spread hate. The people that chose to listen to the hate, never checked both sides of the story. If you have someone difficult in your life, take a minute to step into their shoes. At least admit that you have NO idea what they are going through because you’ve never been in that situation. Just because someone is doing things differently than you would, it doesn’t make them wrong, just different.
Remember you aren’t perfect
To someone else, you may be a difficult person. No matter how amazing we think we are, we still have our own flaws. Aren’t you so thankful for grace and forgiveness? Remember to practice offering forgiveness often.
Don’t run away
It’s an easy way out and it won’t solve the problems. As much as we want to run away and avoid difficult people in our life, running away isn’t the answer.
Don’t let fear drive your emotions
I am guilty of being afraid of the unknown. Confrontation is tough and it is easier to walk away and pretend we don’t care. Living in fear can quickly turn to hate and negativity in your own life.
Never miss an opportunity to bless them
Sometimes opportunities fall in our laps that allow us to be a light in someones life. If you have a chance to bless or encourage your person, take it, that may be the door God is opening for you.
Take some time to breathe
Don’t be afraid to take a step away from the relationships and situations. Remember what we learn when we are fighting with someone as a toddler? Walk away! This will give us time to reflect on our situation. Stepping away can give you new insight on how to handle this season.
Keep Boundaries in place
Often times we can blur the boundaries of showing love and getting taken advantage of. You need to be reflective and make rules for your relationships. Be sure you aren’t hurting yourself by putting too much into one person. Keep it healthy and productive.
We All Struggle With Love
Openly, I admit that I’m learning this as I go. We have to put steps into place to love those who have hurt us over the years. I was never one of those people that threw, “I love you” around. In fact, my husband is the only guy that I’ve ever said I love you to in an romantic way.
I was always afraid of getting hurt in love. I tend to be very guarded and quick to run when I feel like things are getting tough.
I am still working on continuing to love people who have hurt me or hurt my family. I’m always praying that God continues to keep my heart open to forgive and soft enough to continue loving.
My biggest struggle is learning to be a Women of God who knows when to keep her mouth shut and when to speak up. I’d so much rather just run my mouth and shut people down.
Where Do We Go From Here
How do you love difficult people?
What could you take away from this list and start using right away?
Take it one step at a time and remember to keep God at the center of all of your relationships.